Saturday, September 7, 2013

Fabulously Conflicted

Many people ask me about how I made the transition from where I was in life as a corporate sales executive juggling family with a busy, hectic schedule and traveling on business frequently,  to having the life I have now. I'm home with my children, running a charity and a health & wellness business, and following my passion as a new author and motivational speaker. I will tell you that the transition has not been easy, but it has been so worth it!  

I ran across this old hand-written journal entry the other day. It's a beautiful journal that a friend gave me as a gift.  The cover of the journal says "Fabulously Conflicted". When I opened it, I discovered the very first journal entry which I'm humbly sharing very transparently in this blog entry. It was written a couple weeks after my daughter's surgery and brain trauma while I sat bedside, late at night with her at the rehabilitation hospital.  

I'm sharing this journal entry because it reveals, that I was at a tipping point in my life. You might find that you are at a similar tipping point in your life right now. I truly was "conflicted" and I can't say that it felt all that "fabulous".  It was interesting to me to reflect back and remember the emotions and feelings I was experiencing at that time and now realizing how much has changed. Five years later, I can say that while there is a lot about life that is still challenging from day to day, I am no longer "conflicted" about who I am and my purpose in life. That feels pretty fabulous! I share this with you to help you to see that if you are conflicted about your life, you have the power to change it. It's not easy. It takes time. It takes some soul searching. But it is possible.  

Journal entry 7/13/08:
Lost--Who is it I want to be? I've just turned 40. No party. No fanfare--nothing like I've expected and planned for this entire past year. I bought the shoes. I bought the dress. I argued with my husband about how much I deserved "the party" and now it doesn't matter! I quietly turned 40. What really matters most right now is that my precious 7-year old daughter is in a rehabilitation hospital fighting to recover from a brain injury that followed open heart surgery! My God! How humbling is that?
So I ask myself what do I do now? I have felt LOST for a long time. Caught up in corporate jobs. Not sure who I want to be. Dissatisfied with my marital relationship. Lost in my identity. Feeling I am destined to do more--not knowing what it is. Who am I and what is my purpose for being here?
Many people have been touched by my daughter's story. So what is the real lesson for me?
-Love More-Complain Less-Be Grateful-Enjoy Life's Simple Pleasures-Slow Down-Cherish the Moment-Have Faith
But now what do I do? How do I identify with this and what am I meant to do with this gift? Continue with the corporate job (as great as it may have seemed--and as talented as people believe I am)? Is it really what I want? Was it not meant to be? Is this a message to me that I need to move on? What if I could do something that would truly touch the lives of other people? Inspire. Motivate. Awaken. 
Who would have thought the Carepage detailing my daughter's healing journey could become inspiring and identifiable to so many people? What is the message I am receiving?-- Be transparent! Who do you love?--Tell them! Studies indicate that 84% of people are unhappy with their jobs. So what does this mean for me? What do I want to do that is satisfying that can earn a living? What makes me strong, special, and unique?

Can you relate to my journal entry? Do you feel conflicted about your life? I recently shared a vision-writing process, Vision Writing Part I and Vision Writing Part II,  that helped me to discover the answers to my questions.

I remember that moment so clearly. Fast forward five years and now I'm home with my children (no more corporate travel), running a health and wellness business and a charity that's affected children all over the world, and following my passion as a new author and motivational speaker. I will tell you that the transition has not been easy, but it has been so worth it!

Love and Prayers,

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