Monday, July 15, 2013

God Sees Right Through You

For some reason the word "transparency" just kept coming to mind today.

I did my morning reading and discovered this poem:

To know someone deeply
is like hearing the moon through the ocean
or having a hawk lay bright leaves at your feet.
It seems impossible, even while it happens.

Today was a challenging day. My 12-year old daughter had a cardiac MRI. Due to severe anxiety, she requires general anesthesia just to get pictures of her heart for the cardiologist to review.  She was "terrified" to say the least, due to an extensive history of not-so-pleasant medical memories. She sent me a text this morning from her grandmother's phone that said:

I just wish I could be a normal child and a child without pokes and MRI and no surgery. From AD
I saw that she was really struggling today with her own identity. There were a lot of "why me" questions. The more I tried to say things, the more she responded with "Mom, that's not helpful."  The honest to goodness truth is that I already knew that. As her mother, I just felt compelled to "do" something for her.

I found comfort in reaching out to the supportive friends that have children with similar heart conditions. They knew what I was specifically experiencing as a mother. They "knew" what I was experiencing. They had walked in my shoes. They understood. They "saw right through me". I was transparent and pure in sharing my emotions with them.

My reading this morning also brought me to this excerpt from The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo:

Discovering who we are is like breaking a trail up the side of a mountain. Yet the deepest friendships begin when we look into the eye of another and discover that they have been there too.  It is always astonishing to me to find out that someone else sees what I have seen, and always humbling to learn that what I thought was my path and my mountain is everyone's.
I was reminding myself today all day that even though my daughter felt "alone" in her trek up the mountain, I knew that God was by our side. He knew our challenge, our pain. He knows more than anyone where we've been, the mountains we've already climbed. God could see right through us. We were transparent and pure.

God leads me to still waters that restore my spirit. ~Psalm 23
Love and Prayers,


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