Faith

Some people think of faith as "religion". I think of faith as believing in something that you cannot see.  Sometimes when you want something so bad, it's easy to forget that we never really accomplish anything on our own. I've always been a person that is very independent. From the time I was very young, I yearned to be self-sufficient. I wanted to "stand on my own two feet". I never wanted to rely on anybody else but me. I felt adversity was the source of my strength and I could get through any challenge in life, on my own.

I realized when my daughter was sick, I couldn't stand on my own two feet. In fact, I prayed and hoped that God would provide mercy and let my daughter once again "stand on her own two feet". And he did. However, the odds looked bleak. There was no "fix". There was no answer. There was no surgery or magic medicine. There was only hope and trust in the impossible miracles that only God can provide. 

The doubt and fear at times were consuming, yet we had a desired outcome and we focused on believing that our faith would lead us there.  That our prayers would be answered. And we learned that rather than being "self-sufficient", we need to rely on faith and be "God-sufficient".

I've been reading daily passages in a book called The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo. He described faith beautifully as "outwaiting clouds". I love this passage:

"So faith, it seems, can be defined as the effort to believe in light when we're covered by clouds, and though it feels like the sun will never come again, the truth is it has never stopped burning its light. In fact, its heat and warmth is burning steadily, right now, on the far side of whatever cloud we are under."

I love this because I think it is so true. The possibilities of whatever you are praying for, yearning for, striving for are always there.  The possibilities never go away. But our doubts and fears pull a curtain of clouds over those possibilities and trick us into believing something is not possible.

My daughter is no longer sick. Our prayers were answered because of our strong faith. However, I find that there are now other goals in my life that I'm striving for, and guess what? I've reverted back to being "self-sufficient", expecting that I can do everything on my own. That's the reason for this 63 day journey of reading, praying, and writing. It's so that I can once again become "God-sufficient".

Matthew 19:26- "with men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.

Love and Prayers,
Sondra