Letting Perfection Go

Yesterday's blog was about perfection in a positive way, in how God perceives us as being "perfectly made". Today I'm going to talk about the other extreme of perfectionism. This is something with which I struggle. And I know many others that do as well.

Sometimes it's about waiting for the perfect timing or circumstances, which may never come. Waiting for the perfect timing to start a project, make a call, leave a job, start a business, take a risk, have a baby, get married.  Whatever the situation might be for you. We often want the circumstances to be "just right". Other times it's about having perfectionism in a project. Or it may be expecting perfection from our kids, husbands, colleagues, bosses, friends.

We expect a lot! I also thing it comes back (again) to fear and procrastination. We are fearful that the outcome might be judged or criticized or might not work, instead of accepting some failures along the way and adjusting as we go.

I remember waiting to start this blog because I wanted the timing and circumstances to be "just right". I wanted it to be 63 days and so I rationalized that if I started it on this day, it would end on that day, and what would that mean in terms of dates on the calendar and goals I wanted to achieve. And then there was a holiday, so best not start then. And eventually I just had to start it! And so I did! It was my birthday, and that seemed somehow appropriate to "birth" a new project! So, I made it "perfect" in my mind. The truth is, I could have picked any day and it would have started all the same. And the truth is, I've enjoyed this blog every day since I started it! So, I ask myself, what was I waiting for?

Perfectionism leads us to waiting. Sometimes we wait too long and then the timing feels wrong, so we give up or we settle. I am proud to say that I kicked myself out of one of my perfectionist habits today. I had been contemplating a project of rewriting a series of training documents. I discovered that another colleague had already put a considerable amount of effort into a similar project. She was willing to share her training platform with me. I must say I resisted the offer at first, thinking that it wasn't "exactly" what I wanted and that I really needed to develop my own from scratch. Today, I asked myself "why". What "really" was I going to accomplish by doing that. So instead of spending 30+ hours of effort trying to come up with the "perfect" program, I adopted my friends program, accepting that I may need to make some minor compromises in what I would have otherwise produced myself. That was a 30 second decision, and the project was complete! And I'm grateful to my friend for her willingness to share her efforts with me.

So, I'm just going to offer up that if "perfectionism" is causing you to "stall" in some areas of your life or you are "waiting" for the perfect circumstances to arise, stop! Stop waiting! Stop procrastinating. Start "doing"! The perfect time is NOW!

And now I'm going to take some of my own advice and start doing some "doing"!!

Love and Prayers,
Sondra

Perfectly, Fearfully, Wonderfully Made

As I was driving home from meeting my girlfriend on Saturday, I was listening to the song "Perfect" by Pink. I really like this song as it's upbeat, a good song to jam to in the car! Since I was in that mode of self-evaluation after hashing through all sorts of life lessons and topics with my friend, I really listened to the words.  So, you might think of this blog entry as the Girlfriend blog Part 2.
The song starts out like this...

Made a wrong turn, Once or twiceDug my way out, Blood and fireBad decisions, That's alrightWelcome to my silly life

We all make mistakes. We all have our own silly life. The best part about making mistakes and experiencing failure, is that we can learn from it and we grow from it. The best part about true friendship is that there is no judgement. I thought about how we are typically much harder on ourselves than anyone else. The song continues...

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstoodMiss "no way, it's all good", It didn't slow me downMistaken, Always second guessingUnder estimated, Look, I'm still around

As I listened more I thought about how much we want to feel understood, validated, appreciated for who we are.

Pretty, pretty pleaseDon't you ever, ever feelLike you're less than perfect.Pretty, pretty pleaseIf you ever, ever feelLike you're nothingYou are perfect to me.

So when I listened to the above lyrics, I thought how this could typically be what a friend or loved one might say to you when they really, really believe in you and you're being hard on yourself. Now this may seem rather absurd, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and take it a step further. I'm going to connect this part of the Pink lyrics to a bible passage. Yes, that's right! Remember, I'm on this 63-day quest for re-igniting my faith. So I'm searching for spiritual meaning in everyday life and finding connections in rather unusual places! I thought about how the above lyrics could also be God speaking to you. Now isn't that crazy to think--you're getting a message from God through the musical talents of Pink!  Well, here's the bible passage that made me think of this:
"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." Genesis 1:27.  Since the bible says God created us in his own image, of course we are perfect! Right?! We are perfect in the eyes of God.
The song goes on with more self-criticism.

You're so mean,When you talk, About yourself, You were wrong.Change the voices, In your headMake them like you Instead.

So complicated,Look happy, You'll make it!Filled with so much hatredSuch a tired game.It's enough, I've done all I can think ofChased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same.

Again, I thought of how it tied to a bible passage a friend just sent me the same morning! "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14

The whole world stares so I swallow the fear,The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer. So cool in line and we try, try, try,But we try too hard, it's a waste of my time.Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhereThey don't like my jeans, they don't get my hairWe change ourselves and we do it all the timeWhy do we do that? Why do I do that?

Isn't it true that we criticize ourselves because the world tries to condition us that we are not worthy, we are not perfect. And my rebuttal to that would be the following passage..."Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

So there you have it! The next time you hear this song, you'll think of it in a whole new inspiring way!  You are perfectly, fearfully, wonderfully made! And God has your back!

Love and Prayers,
Sondra

Girlfriends Keep You Strong

I didn't have a sister, and to be honest I didn't have a lot of close girlfriends when I was younger. I had a boyfriend in high school (still married to him!) When I was in college, I was so focused on working and studying and rushing to get out into the "real world" that I didn't spend as much time on friendships.

Over the years, I've come to cherish my friendships. I've had friends come to my rescue from far away places. My girlfriends encourage me and believe in me more than I sometimes do myself.  I now realize that it's not about the number of friends you have in Facebook or your cell phone. It's really about having "quality" friendships that you can count on.

I wanted to write about this today, because I spent a few hours "chatting" with a good friend last night. We've know each other for more than 20 years. We've worked together, supported each other through having babies, and shared many joyful moments. We can talk about careers and our hopes and dreams. We can discuss our challenges and fears about raising a family (particularly the worries of raising young girls who will soon become young women). We can talk about marriage and how much we wish we could understand our husbands better. We can talk about anything. Whether it's sharing a few laughs over a martini or having a shoulder to cry on, a true friend is always there when you need her!

One of my favorite quotes is: "Friends are like stars. You can't always see them, but you know they are always there."

This is so true. True friends help us to become stronger and better than we would be otherwise. They support us on our journey through life. I've always been a believer that God intended for us to be on this planet to encourage and support each other, not to weather the storms alone.

As part of the quest for 63 days of faith, love, and time, I would suggest spending time with the friends that will believe in you and strengthen your faith, and love you for who you are and who you will become.

Love and Prayers,
Sondra

Where Does Money Fit?

I was having a conversation with a friend this morning about money. We were discussing whether money was a part of 63 Days of Faith, Love, and Time. Will you have more faith, love and time in your life if you have more money? Or does money come as a result of faith, love and time?

There are those that believe that money is the "root of all evil". Or is it the path to happiness? In my own life I've had periods of time where money was quite abundant, and I've had other periods of time where it wasn't. I can speak from experience that my happiness "quotient" did not increase or decrease based on the flow of money.

Money is a source of frustration, fear, greed, worry, and conflict for many people. In our current economy, we are conditioned to believe that there is never enough. Money is "lacking". That we should always have "more". And what if we had more? Would we be more secure? Would we be happier? What would we do with it? Would we give more away to help those in need? Or would we buy more "stuff" and spend it on ourselves? I'm not suggesting that one is more wrong or more right than the other, but I'm suggesting that understanding the reason behind the quest for more money can be worth thinking about.

Ecclesiastes 5:10
Whoever loves money never has money enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income. This too is meaningless.

A favorite public speaker and mentor of mine, Rita Davenport, always made the statement that "Money isn't everything, but it's right up there with oxygen."  She would then say, "Be more, have more, learn more, and earn more so you can share more." And she would add, "If money will fix it, it's not a problem."

I was thinking more about this today and recalling my experience a year ago when I joined a mission trip to Guatemala. It was a humbling experience to see children living in orphanages who had never worn a pair of shoes or clothing that wasn't previously worn by someone else. That had no family to love them. They were more starved for attention and hugs than any material possession we could have provided. I visited people in the meager village homes that cooked outdoors and had no running water. The children were gracious and kind and the people were happy and filled with faith and gratitude. I realized that as Americans we live better than 80% of the world. But then how do you define "better"?

I also came across an interesting article about money and our beliefs. It talked about how beliefs about money can become self-fulfilling: either "expanding" or "limiting" us. It suggested that one think about the word "money" and then write down the words that come to mind. Is it a feeling of "I can" or "I can't".  It's a matter of whether you are thinking in terms of "shortage" or in terms of "abundance". I'm a big believer in the "law of attraction" and that what "you think about, you bring about" (another Ritasim!). Our lives are guided by our beliefs. So we should make sure our attitudes and beliefs about money enhance, not diminish, what is really important to us.

Hebrews 13:5
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

In terms of my views about money, I believe they are still a "work in progress". I believe over these past few years, God has been at work changing my heart.  My quest for money stems from a need to provide for my family, but it's also about being able to make a difference and leave a legacy. After all, I don't know that I've ever seen a hearse pulling a UHaul (one final "Ritaism").

Love and Prayers,
Sondra

De-clutter and Simplify Your Life!

I was up early today, with my daily routine of reading and praying.  I woke up thinking I needed to "de-clutter" and ironically I came across an article this morning during my reading that was about just that!  It was a life coach talking about how our minds become cluttered. She was so bold as to make this statement:

"Clutter accumulates because of negative and self-defeating theories you hold about yourself that you've come to believe are true." ~ Laurie Gerber

Ouch! That's pretty harsh. She frames "clutter" as broadly as worrying, arguing, gossiping, overscheduling, overeating, debt, being overwhelmed by paperwork, or feeling like a victim and having pity parties for yourself.

So, today I'm "de-cluttering"!!!  I find that when I'm disorganized and my environment feels chaotic, I get distracted more easily!  With all the opportunities with my charity, Heart Heroes and the book and all the projects going on, my office has been a disaster. Instead of using file cabinets & folders I have piles of paper and projects in bags tucked under my desk.  

This is not "me"!!!.................

Additionally, I have a mountain of mail and paperwork sitting in the kitchen. And a mountain of clothes piled in the basement that need to go to consignment store and then Goodwill! And I have some things set aside to advertise and sell.  These things have all been on my "procrastination" list and weighing on my mind. Again, this is not "me"! I am organized!

I decided to take today to get reorganized and do these projects and clear some clutter physically and mentally!!!  This could be perceived as resistance or procrastination. But honestly, it feels good.  And I think it's the "clearing and cutting" I need to do to free my mind. I've decided I need to set the "reset" button. There's 3 weeks left of summer before school starts. I want to be productive and also do some fun things with the girls the next 3 weeks. So I'm going to set myself up for some success! 

This morning I tackled my office and everything is now in drawers! I also did some clearing and cutting of "old" piles of paper stacked in my office. This afternoon I'm tackling the stack in the kitchen and loading the back of my car with the clothes to drop off tomorrow!

Ah....organization! A "happy place"!

And finally….reset button on eating healthy, sleep, exercise!  ...That comes next week!

Laurie Gerber also says that we tolerate clutter in our lives because it distracts us from the important things and possibilities that scare us more. We unconsciously create and hold on to life clutter as a barrier to facing our bigger fears. It becomes a justification for why we can't take on new challenges and evolutions -- because, look we are already overwhelmed.  She says lies and lack of communication are what really clutter up a person's life. Honesty allows us to learn who we really are, and that knowledge motivates us to change our lives. So know your truth, and tell it. Honesty is at the root of all personal change.

I love the "cleansing feeling" of de-cluttering! My morning Joel Osteen devotions have recently talked about "being a crystal clear stream". and that's the best way to describe the outcome of the hard work of de-cluttering one's life!

Love and Prayers,

Sondra

Cherish Your Loved Ones

One more year. That's the news I heard today...one more year. I accompanied my 12-year old daughter to her cardiology checkup. As a child born with a congenital heart defect and living with an implanted heart valve, this is at minimum an annual event. She had her cardiac MRI on Monday, and today was the day to get the results from the cardiologist. She will eventually need surgery or heart cath to replace the valve.

We sat in the car outside the clinic and prayed together. We asked God to "give us one more year". That was the desired outcome. "Come back in a year."  Fortunately, after a bit of worrying and waiting, that was the answer we got! Our prayers were answered!

Today was yet another reminder of the absolute most important thing we are here on this planet to do. It's to love and cherish the people in your life. The following quote is from my book, Miracle of Belief.

I wrote that passage during a time in our journey that we did not know if our daughter would recover and be well again. It's in those moments that you just want to kick yourself for not paying attention and cherishing the times that you had.

Today's events also reminded me to think with greater clarity about the goals I've set for myself and for my family. I asked myself, where do I see myself one year from now. If Ashley needs that valve replaced one year from now, what do I need to do to prepare our family. What do I need to do to prepare myself to be able to be fully present for her when that time comes.  And I realized it starts with being present NOW!

Cherish your loved ones and the moments you have. You may be creating memories that you will cherish forever.

"Love cures people, the ones who receive love and the ones who give it, too."~ Karl A. Menninger

Love and Prayers,
Sondra

The Power of Planning

Yesterday I discovered that I needed to align my "focus". Today I met the friend of Focus, named Planning! Ironically, I have always been a planner. I have always required that I do my research, layout the pros and cons, gather all the details, and create a "plan". I like the clarity and direction that a plan provides. I like checking things off a list! I've been know to make a list, just so I can go down the list and check off the items I've accomplished. Doesn't that feel good!

One of my favorite quotes and the one that has become sort of my "tagline" is as follows:

"To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream, not only plan, but also BELIEVE." ~Anatole France

This was the "defining" message for me when I decided to shift careers five years ago due to my daughter's unexpected illness.  When I broke it down, I felt it had all the key elements.  I knew how to BELIEVE.  My faith had never been stronger. Check! I wanted to venture down a new path and accomplish great purpose-filled things. Check! I was ready to take action. Check! I was ready to dream again. Check! And then to be practical, I needed a plan! Check!

I discovered this bible passage today...

Luke 14:28-33
For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’ Or what king, going out to encounter another king in war, will not sit down first and deliberate whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? And if not, while the other is yet a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace...

It's basically saying that to accomplish anything great, you need a plan! Of course. That makes sense. Having a "business plan" or blueprint for a project makes total sense and is necessary. However, it's also necessary to have a plan for the day at hand! Having a plan ensures that you accomplish the most important things in a day before attending to the less important tasks of the day. I'm usually rally good about this. However, I discovered that with the summer schedule and kids being out of school, I've allowed myself to drift. And as I drift along through the day, I become encumbered by distractions, feeling rather frazzled, and becoming frustrated with my lack of progress.

Today, I'm drawing attention to my current state of "drifting". Tomorrow, I will have a plan! It will consist of a list of "priorities" and time specifically allocated on a calendar to those activities. I will plan ahead for distractions and take it in stride! I will tell the "drifter" they are not welcome anymore!  After all, accomplishing something of greatness requires a plan!

I will then believe in the possibilities, and let God do the rest!

Love and Prayers,
Sondra