Focus

This morning when I woke up the first word that popped into my head was "focus". I'm not sure if I was dreaming about it? Maybe it was God's message to me that I needed to work on that area. Interestingly as the day went on I had several other messages about "focus" that came popping up!

In my morning reading, I read about how God has good things in store. "He'll make your wrongs right. Start focusing on your possibilities. Let hope fill your heart."  There was that word "focus."

I popped into Facebook this morning. A friend had posted this quote:

"To conquer frustration, one must intensely FOCUS on the outcome, not the obstacles." TF Hodge

There was that word "Focus" again. I went about my day and kept thinking about this. I've had a lot of exciting things happen in my world lately. And there there are some challenging things going on as well. A mentor recently suggested to me that I was a little in A.D.D. mode. She was right. I've been juggling a lot. And with the kids out of school, it's hard to ever really focus on one single thing at one time. While I'm working on a project or tending to a task, part of me is always thinking about what they are doing in the other room or if I need to check in with them at the neighbor's house.

And then this quote from a favorite author and motivational speaker, Shad Helmstetter,  rolled across my screen:

"Today I have focus. When I want to reach a goal, I practice the habit of putting all of my attention and energy on one thing at a time. Because I have focus, my thinking is sharp, I see my goal clearly, I stay on target, I take action, and I get it done!" 

Well, yes, of course that makes total sense. Focus on one thing at a time. I have always prided myself on being a great "multi-tasker". In fact I've been known to tell people that I feel I'm at my best when I'm overloaded and have a lot going on! Or at least I used to tell myself that!

And then the next quote rolls across my screen from Shad:

"While everyone around you is spending every day 'multitasking' on everything, try 'focusing' intently on just one thing at a time--without multitasking. At the end of the week, see who has gotten more done, has done a better job, and has more peace of mind."

Now I'm thinking to myself, Wow, Shad must be reading my mind! It became clear to me that these subtle messages prodding me to "focus" were more than just coincidences and I really need to clear my mind and pay attention to this message. I began to think about the pledge I had made in January. I had read a really cool little book about picking "One Word" as your theme for the year that would sum up all your goals into one really simple word. My word I chose was "focus". This is how I defined the outcomes I wanted to get from "focus" as a theme:

FOCUS
Family:  FOCUS on Being Present
Others: FOCUS on Others more than myself
Connections: FOCUS on helping others connect with their dreams
Utopia: FOCUS on happiness through health and spirituality
Sponsoring: FOCUS on sponsoring (which is related to business growth)

Hmm, I contemplated this list. I thought about what I have focused my time and energy on that has produced results. Amazingly, I realized that the areas of my life that I really applied diligent focus have produced "amazing" results. And I am passionately connected to everything I am doing (mostly). However, I also realized there have been some areas of my life that I really want to see improve, that I have not been doing my best to apply "focus". I started to ask myself why? I realized that some of it comes down to priority and how I'm choosing to spend my time. Some of it is about timing and what has demanded my attention. And then could it again be that there are some hidden doubts causing some procrastination to set in? And then there was this from my friend, Shad:

"The moment I begin to doubt, I think about the best outcome. The moment I fear, I feel the real strength I have within me. And the moment I think I'm not enough, I remember that with my faith and my undying belief, I am greater than anything that could come against me." 

This tied it all together! Starting with my friends post about conquering frustration by focusing on the desired outcome and now Shad's message about thinking about the best outcome and most importantly drawing upon "faith".

One thing at a time...think about the best outcome...acknowledge the strength within...with faith I am greater than any obstacle.

Love and Prayers,
Sondra

God Sees Right Through You

For some reason the word "transparency" just kept coming to mind today.

I did my morning reading and discovered this poem:

To know someone deeply
is like hearing the moon through the ocean
or having a hawk lay bright leaves at your feet.
It seems impossible, even while it happens.

Today was a challenging day. My 12-year old daughter had a cardiac MRI. Due to severe anxiety, she requires general anesthesia just to get pictures of her heart for the cardiologist to review.  She was "terrified" to say the least, due to an extensive history of not-so-pleasant medical memories. She sent me a text this morning from her grandmother's phone that said:

I just wish I could be a normal child and a child without pokes and MRI and no surgery. From AD

I saw that she was really struggling today with her own identity. There were a lot of "why me" questions. The more I tried to say things, the more she responded with "Mom, that's not helpful."  The honest to goodness truth is that I already knew that. As her mother, I just felt compelled to "do" something for her.

I found comfort in reaching out to the supportive friends that have children with similar heart conditions. They knew what I was specifically experiencing as a mother. They "knew" what I was experiencing. They had walked in my shoes. They understood. They "saw right through me". I was transparent and pure in sharing my emotions with them.

My reading this morning also brought me to this excerpt from The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo:

Discovering who we are is like breaking a trail up the side of a mountain. Yet the deepest friendships begin when we look into the eye of another and discover that they have been there too.  It is always astonishing to me to find out that someone else sees what I have seen, and always humbling to learn that what I thought was my path and my mountain is everyone's.

I was reminding myself today all day that even though my daughter felt "alone" in her trek up the mountain, I knew that God was by our side. He knew our challenge, our pain. He knows more than anyone where we've been, the mountains we've already climbed. God could see right through us. We were transparent and pure.

God leads me to still waters that restore my spirit. ~Psalm 23

Love and Prayers,

Sondra

God Knows You Are Not An Imposter

I recently read the book Lean In, by Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg. It addresses women, work and the "will" to lead. I was reviewing some excerpts from the book today while preparing for a teleconference talk that I was giving this evening. There was a specific topic that struck me as being very relevant to what I've been writing about with the 63 Day Blog. I'm going to share a few of the excerpts and what it meant to me as it relates to "faith".

In the book, Sheryl addresses a very interesting issue for women, self-doubt. I don’t know if you’ll relate to this as much as I did…

She had attended a speech at Harvard while in college. The keynote speaker, Dr. Peggy McIntosh from the Wellesley Centers for Women, gave a talk called “Feeling Like a Fraud.” She explained that many people, but especially women, feel fraudulent when they are praised for their accomplishments. Instead of feeling worthy of recognition, they feel undeserving and guilty, as if a mistake has been made. Despite being high achievers, even experts in their fields, women can’t seem to shake the sense that it is only a matter of time until they are found out for who they really are—impostors with limited skills or abilities.

It’s strange because I remember feeling this way when I first started out working in the male-dominated financial services industry. I wore my dark pin-striped pant suit to look like I fit in…but then discovered I really didn’t when I didn’t join the men smoking cigars at business dinners!

This phenomenon of capable people being plagued by self-doubt has a name—imposter syndrome. Both men and women are susceptible to the impostor syndrome, but women tend to experience it more intensely and be more limited by it.  Even the wildly successful writer and actress Tina Fey has admitted to these feelings. She once explained to a British newspaper, “The beauty of the imposter syndrome is you vacillate between extreme egomania, and a complete feeling of: ‘I’m a fraud! Oh god, they’re on to me! I’m a fraud!” So you just try to ride the egomania when it comes and enjoy it, and then slide through the idea of fraud. Seriously, I’ve just realized that almost everyone is a fraud, so I try not to feel too bad about it.”

For women, feeling like a fraud is a symptom of a greater problem.  We consistently underestimate ourselves. Multiple studies in multiple industries show that women often judge their own performance as worse than it actually is, while men judge their own performance as better than it actually is.

In a shocking way, I discovered when I read this part of the book that I could really relate to this concept of the imposter syndrome. I could relate to vacillating between the egomania of "I can do anything" to the feeling of "they are on to me, I'm a fraud!". Even as I write this article, I have a little of that feeling. "Who am I kidding, I'm not really a writer." Even though I just published a book that has gotten wonderful reviews!

What occurred to me today as I was pondering this phenomenon, is that we are not imposters in God's eyes. God knows our true heart. God knows our calling. God knows the path that is already determined for each of us. God has given each of us our own special set of skills, talents and abilities.

And so I realized that it comes down to being connected spiritually with a greater force and feeling in your heart that you are doing what you're supposed to be doing. Listen to that inner voice, because it just may be God trying to tell you that you are not an imposter at all, but that you are right where you belong.

Love and Prayers,
Sondra

Love Yourself First

For the first post regarding "Love" I decided to focus on "loving yourself". Because if you can't love yourself, how can you give fully of yourself to the family and friends that rely on you.  I got up early this morning to join my Saturday morning coffee group at 7am. I had some great conversation with some like-minded, amazing women.

Then I went to a Yoga class. I will admit fitness is an area that I've been neglecting lately. So I really had to push myself to go today.  At the end of the Yoga class as I was having my "zen" moment of relaxation, I realized that it felt really good! I went across the street to another coffee shop and sat outside for another hour catching up on email, phone calls, and some follow up business activities I have had on my list all week. I realized I felt "happy". It was only 11am, and already I had done several things for "me" to fill my cup!

The girls were sleeping in and spending some time with their dad this morning and I sneaked out of the house before anyone was even awake. I realized I didn't feel guilty for being away, because I was spending some necessary time to focus on my own mental and physical well-being. So that prompted the idea for today's posting.

As women we spend a lot of time taking care of our family and other people in our lives. If you're like me, you  feel guilty about not doing enough. It's easy to feel guilty when you're working that you're not spending time with your family. And guilty when you're spending time with your family that you're not giving of yourself enough to your career, or your church, or whatever other commitments you've made in your life. Yet how much time do you spend filling your own cup (without feeling guilty about it)?

A favorite author Rhonda Byrne (author of The Secret) writes this in her book The Power (which essentially is about "love"):

"You were not born to struggle. You were not born to live a life where the moments of joy are few and far between. You were not born to toil in your work five days a week, with fleeting moments of happiness on weekends. You were not born to live with limited energy, feeling exhausted at the end of each day. You were not born to worry or be afraid. What would be the point of your life? You are meant to experience life to its fullest and have everything you want and, at the same time, be filled with joy, health, vitality, excitement, and love, because that is an amazing life!"

And my favorite part:

"The life of your dreams, everything you would love to be, do, or have, has always been closer to you than you knew, because the power to everything you want is inside you!"

That is the truth! You can have everything you want in life! It begins with taking care of yourself, loving yourself. Do something today to "fill your cup" and encourage someone you care about to do something to "fill her cup". Love yourself first!

Love and Prayers,

Sondra

Faith

Some people think of faith as "religion". I think of faith as believing in something that you cannot see.  Sometimes when you want something so bad, it's easy to forget that we never really accomplish anything on our own. I've always been a person that is very independent. From the time I was very young, I yearned to be self-sufficient. I wanted to "stand on my own two feet". I never wanted to rely on anybody else but me. I felt adversity was the source of my strength and I could get through any challenge in life, on my own.

I realized when my daughter was sick, I couldn't stand on my own two feet. In fact, I prayed and hoped that God would provide mercy and let my daughter once again "stand on her own two feet". And he did. However, the odds looked bleak. There was no "fix". There was no answer. There was no surgery or magic medicine. There was only hope and trust in the impossible miracles that only God can provide. 

The doubt and fear at times were consuming, yet we had a desired outcome and we focused on believing that our faith would lead us there.  That our prayers would be answered. And we learned that rather than being "self-sufficient", we need to rely on faith and be "God-sufficient".

I've been reading daily passages in a book called The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo. He described faith beautifully as "outwaiting clouds". I love this passage:

"So faith, it seems, can be defined as the effort to believe in light when we're covered by clouds, and though it feels like the sun will never come again, the truth is it has never stopped burning its light. In fact, its heat and warmth is burning steadily, right now, on the far side of whatever cloud we are under."

I love this because I think it is so true. The possibilities of whatever you are praying for, yearning for, striving for are always there.  The possibilities never go away. But our doubts and fears pull a curtain of clouds over those possibilities and trick us into believing something is not possible.

My daughter is no longer sick. Our prayers were answered because of our strong faith. However, I find that there are now other goals in my life that I'm striving for, and guess what? I've reverted back to being "self-sufficient", expecting that I can do everything on my own. That's the reason for this 63 day journey of reading, praying, and writing. It's so that I can once again become "God-sufficient".

Matthew 19:26- "with men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.

Love and Prayers,
Sondra

Pink Snake

I really did not intend to write about "fear" again. But I am compelled to write about this because I've been trying to rationalize something all day.

It's a little strange. Most people don't care for snakes. Some people are afraid of them. I have a phobia when it comes to snakes! I know it's a phobia because I scream, feel panic course through my body, and then I begin to hyper-ventilate.  Just thinking about or talking about snakes makes the hair on my body stand up.

So when I screamed in the middle of the night last night, sat up in bed and began to hyper-ventilate, you can imagine that my husband was a little bit concerned! When I was a kid I used to have dreams about snakes a lot, especially when I was sick and would have a fever. As an adult, it's something that's rarely happened. In fact, I can't remember the last time I had a dream about snakes. I'm actually a really sound sleeper and rarely wake up. I don't have dreams very often, or at least that I recall. But last night the dog was ill and kept waking us up, so I wasn't sleeping very soundly.

In my dream I was in bed and woke up to realize I had a snake wrapped around my chest. I cautiously croaked to Tim to get it off of me and so he yanked it away and tossed it to the floor. Immediately, it began trying to crawl back up.  I peered over the bedside and there it was hissing up at me. This is when I woke up, breathing heavily and feeling completely creeped out! I actually had to turn the light on and look over the edge of my bed to be sure it was just a dream.  Now, here's the really odd thing. The snake was pink! Yes, a very pretty pink color! So even though it was creepy, it was a nice snake? Maybe?

As you can imagine, I've been thinking all day what symbolism this dream might have! So I googled and found a Dream Moods website that gives opinions on various symbols and themes in your dream.

This is what is says about snakes in your dreams:

To see a snake or be bitten by one in your dream signifies hidden fears and worries that are threatening you. Your dream may be alerting you to something in your waking life that you are not aware of or that has not yet surfaced.   If you are afraid of the snake, then it signifies your fears of sex, intimacy or commitment. 
As a positive symbol, snakes represent healing, transformation, knowledge and wisdom. It is indicative of self-renewal and positive change.

Hmm. Well I've been really focused on building my faith, yet I was definitely afraid in the dream. I can't say I fear sex or intimacy. So does it have something to do with commitment? Hmm, maybe it's about "focus" which is something I've been working on. And, on a positive note it can represent transformation and self-renewal...positive change!  So, I'm going to "chose" to believe that's what the snake symbolized.

But what does the pink color mean? Here's what the website says about the color pink in dreams:

Pink represents love, joy, sweetness, happiness, affection and kindness. Being in love or healing through love is also implied with this color. 

So there it is! I'm going to believe that a pink snake is telling me that my life is about to change to encompass more love, joy, sweetness, happinesss, affection and kindness!  That's a wonderful translation! Who wouldn't want more happiness in their life!

I think this dream also tells me that I've "awakening" to the signs that will continue to be revealed to me along this 63-day journey of Faith,  Love, Time!

I'm looking forward to a good night of rest tonight!

Love and Prayers,

Sondra

Is Fear a Friend or Foe?

My initial plan was to focus my first few posts on the key ingredients of Faith, Love and Time. However, I write from the heart and what presents itself in the course of daily experience. Today, I had a conversation with someone that led me to focus on the topic of Fear.  Now if you remember from yesterday's post I included a photo of the Tower of Terror at the Atlantis Resort, or maybe it's actually called the Leap of Faith. I'm not entirely sure. I do know that to me it was a "tower of terror" and I had to take a huge "leap of faith" to force my body to propel down the crazy thing!

Some people believe that fear is the enemy and you must work hard to eliminate fear and make it go away. People have written books about this. Then there are those people that believe that fear is your friend and you should embrace it and use it as a catalyst to propel you into taking risks you otherwise would not take. People have written books about this philosophy on fear. So, who is right?

I believe that you cannot fully eliminate fear. It might feel like a disease that's consuming you in the moment. And you might be able to temporarily curtail the symptoms, but it is forever present in our nature. It's survival instinct. It keeps us on our toes. It makes us human. I also believe the antidote to fear is "faith".

We are faced with many different kinds of fears. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of what people will think, fear of whether people are thinking about us, fear of the unknown, fear of loss, fear of what we cannot control.  I discovered the ugliest fear that I believe anyone can experience and that is fear of losing a loved one. It's a world-shattering, painful, experience to fear that a loved one may be slipping away from this life. I realized today that I am not alone in this place. I spoke with a mother today who has just been told her child needs to have life-saving open heart surgery in a few weeks. She was distraught, guilty, and maybe even a little ashamed because the fear was consuming her. She shared how her friends and family just couldn't understand and kept telling her "don't worry, everything will be fine." Yet, I understood her. I got it. Because I've been there.

There is no stronger bond that the bond a mother has with her child. Other than the bond we have with our creator and with our faith.

And that was the answer I gave her. There is no shame in feeling fear. In any capacity of your life. Whether it's as significant as her situation and the fear of losing a loved one. Or whether it's the fear of making a career change or public speaking or whatever it might be that you fear. There is no shame. I realized it would have been illogical for me to tell her that the fear will go away. Because I know that it won't. It is ever-present. But I know that while it might not be possible to eliminate fear completely, it is possible to "tame the beast of fear". It is possible to put fear in "time out"!

This might be a little embarrassing to admit, but sometimes if my kids are arguing in the backseat of the car, the only way to get their attention is to turn the music in the car up really loud. I can't hear their arguing. And neither can they. So they stop!  I feel that is what we can do with applying our faith in the presence of fear. We turn up our faith so loud that it drowns out the fear! It's about exchanging the thoughts that are streaming through your head. It's about exchanging the negative "what-if" statements for positive "what-if" statements.

Fear also demands us to be courageous. It demands us to pull from strength we have deep down inside that we don't even realize we have. It challenges us to be stronger and better, just like a coach challenges an Olympic athlete to work harder. It builds mental stamina.

Here's a quote that I love from a book that is really worth reading:

"At the bottom of every one of your fears is simply the fear that you can't handle whatever life may bring you.  The truth is: If you knew you could handle anything that came your way, what would you possibly have to fear? All you have to do to diminish your fear is to develop more trust in your ability to handle whatever comes your way!"   

Feel the Fear, And Do It Anyway, a book by Susan Jeffers, Ph.D. 

I believe it to be true that God doesn't give us more that we can handle. Sometimes it may seem like a lot. But if we operate from this premise, then we can find comfort in knowing that we are stronger that we may know.

So, is fear "friend" or "foe"? I say neither. Just accept that from time to time fear is going to sit down at the table next to you.  And, remember to call upon Faith to sit at the table along with you.

Love and Prayers,
Sondra